Cup of Compatibility


Imagine your relationship with your (future) partner is a cup or glass of water. How full would it be? The more fulfilling your relationship, the fuller it is. The more compatible you are, the fuller it is.

That’s how I have recently looked at relationships, through the lens of how full couples’ “Cup of Compatibility” truly is.

So far on this blog, I have emphasized primarily the importance of typological compatibility – mainly because the regular person is entirely unaware of its influence.

However, based on observations, discussions with others, and articles on relationships, I have concluded that the foundation of any enjoyable and good romantic relationship is:

Attraction and Shared Values.

That is why those two aspects count the most each, and together make up around 60% of the entire cup, which is the majority.


Without the foundation of Attraction and/or Shared Values, you are unlikely going to feel attracted and/or connected to the person enough, which in turn will lessen the chance of you staying together for a long time. Typological compatibility, in that manner, is rather the “bonus”, the “icing on the cake” that will make your interaction more pleasurable or less so, not the actual foundation. That is why typological compatibility counts as around 40% of the entire cup. I find Socionics ITRs matter more than Enneagram, but when it comes to building a unity and a family, the instinctual stacking becomes quite significant. That’s how Socionics counts as around 25%, and Enneagram is 15% of the whole equation.

The ideal relationship is 100% compatible, of course.
And that is why knowing about Socionics can be important for those who want that; for only with Duality you can achieve the 100%. You can have everything else match up, but without Duality, it won’t be 100%.

However, this applies to every other aspect as well. Without strong attraction for example, you won’t get to the 100% either. That is why Duality is hardly good enough in explaining what an ideal relationship would be like in real life (for it only counts up to 25% from 100%!). Or put simply, Duality is not enough.

There are many, if not most, long term couples who “make it work” better or worse without being Duals. Their strength usually lies in strong mutual attraction and shared values, and often compatible Enneagram stackings.

Here is the compatibility test based on the above.

You can take it to gauge the compatibility between you and your (future) partner, or check how (in)compatible you were with your exes…

I’d advise people to go for matches the test rates as “Great” (80-89%) or “Excellent” (90-100%). In my experience, married couples who are either of the two are still together to this day. “Good” (70-79%) could work, but will take some extra effort for a long-term situation. (“Good” is best for short term relationships). I’d advise against going for the other matches. (P.S: Ignore the odd username at the top of the test…)

You may wonder how the principle of the “Cup of Compatibility” applies to other relationships. When it comes to Friendship and other platonic relationships, the ratios change to Shared Interests (45%), Shared Values (15%), Socionics (25%), Enneagram (15%). Obviously, attraction is not significant (or in many cases even problematic) when it comes to friendship, but connecting on shared interests is paramount. Socionics and Enneagram play the same roles as previously, and sharing the same values isn’t as important as for long-term romance, for you are not actually trying to build a family together with that person.

All in all, while this model may not be perfect, I find it comes the closest to gauging the compatibility of relationships in a more holistic sense, without overly focusing on either only Typology or only Attraction/Liking.


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