Attachment Style and saying “I Like You”

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When a Preoccupied female dates a Secure man. Note: Most Preoccupied people actually become more secure over time when they are in a relationship with someone Secure, so they eventually stop asking for reassurance in that manner.

Insecurely attached people are strongly advised to date someone who is securely attached, for several reasons.

  • Following are examples of how the other Secure + Insecure matches would say “I like you”, showing how being with a Secure person can be soothing for an insecurely attached person.
Secure: “I like you.”
Dismissive: “…”
Secure: “Are you okay?”
Dismissive: “Give me a moment…”
*days later*
Dismissive: “You aren’t angry with me for not answering back then?”
Secure: “No, it’s fine. I understand you needed your time.”
Dismissive: “Okay…”
Secure: “No pressure. You don’t have to tell me anything when you aren’t ready yet.”
Dismissive: “Thanks.”
Dismissive: “Well, actually… I think I like you.”
Secure: “Glad to hear that. 🙂 “
Secure: “I like you.”
Fearful-Avoidant: “What? Really?”
Secure: “Yeah!”
Fearful-Avoidant: “Omg! That’s great, but… isn’t this too good to be true?” *feels like running away*
Secure: *takes hand* “What’s wrong?”
Fearful-Avoidant: “I… like you too, but… I am worried this won’t work with us!”
Secure: “Why not?”
Fearful-Avoidant: “Well…” *trying to explain*
Fearful-Avoidant: “…and that is why I am worried we’d break up! I feel so bad just telling you this. You probably think I am crazy! Ugh, I should go…”
Secure: “No, it is okay, I get it. You don’t have to worry. I really like you. We can make this work.”

  • And that’s how two insecurely attached people would interact in the same situation:
Preoccupied: “I like you, do you like me?”
Dismissive: “…”
Preoccupied: “I said, do you like me??”
Dismissive: “I am busy right now.”
Preoccupied: “Tell me, do you like me??”
Dismissive: “I need to go.”
*minutes later*
Preoccupied: *texts* “You haven’t answered yet! Do you really like me?”
Dismissive: *texts* “… I am really busy right now.”
Preoccupied: *calls*
Dismissive: *doesn’t pick up the phone*
Preoccupied: *texts* “Come on! Just say yes or no!”
Dismissive: *texts* “… I guess, yes? Ttyl.”
Fearful-Avoidant: “Maybe that is too much, but I think I like you.”
Dismissive: “…”
Fearful-Avoidant: “What?”
Dismissive: “I didn’t say anything.”
Fearful-Avoidant: “Something’s wrong, isn’t it. I went too far. I am sorry, this is just embarrassing…” *feels like running away*
Dismissive: “?”
Fearful-Avoidant: “Forget it!” *runs away*
Dismissive: “And she didn’t even give me any time to answer properly…”
Fearful-Avoidant *looks back* “Did you say anything?”
Dismissive: “Um. Talk to you later?”
*days later*
Fearful-Avoidant: “Okay, I cannot take it anymore. We need to stop seeing each other.”
Dismissive: “You are overreacting.”
Fearful-Avoidant: “You’ve never told me whether you actually like me!”
Dismissive: “…”
Fearful-Avoidant: “…”
Dismissive: “Okay, fine, I like you.”
Fearful-Avoidant: “Really?”
Dismissive: “…”
Fearful-Avoidant: “… Not sure what to make of this…”
Dismissive 1: “…”
Dismissive 2: “…”
Dismissive 1: “…”
Dismissive 2: “…”
Dismissive 1: “…”
Dismissive 2: “…”
3rd-Party Secure: “Psst… I think she likes you.”
Dismissive 1: “Oh… really? Huh… you think I should do something about that?”
3rd-Party Secure: *facepalm*
Preoccupied 1: “I like you! Do you like me?”
Preoccupied 2: “Really?? I like you, too!”
*days later*
Preoccupied 2: “Are you sure that you like me?”
Preoccupied 1: “I think so? Why do you keep asking? Aren’t you sure yourself?” Preoccupied 2: “Huh, I think… I am sure? What are you saying? Are you doubting us?”
Preoccupied 1: “I am not sure…”
Preoccupied 2: “Explain!”
Preoccupied 1: “Ugh…”
Fearful-Avoidant 1: “Maybe this is too much, but I like you… What do you think?”
Fearful-Avoidant 2: “I am not sure… I like you, too, but… Aren’t we moving too quickly?”
Fearful-Avoidant 1: “Oh, you are right, I am sorry… I am so stupid…”
*both feel like running away*
Fearful-Avoidant 1: “Anyway, I think I need to go!”
Fearful-Avoidant 2: “Me too!”
*both run away*
Preoccupied: “I like you!”
Fearful-Avoidant: “Oh really? I like you too, but, don’t you think we are moving a bit fast?”
Preoccupied: “No!”
Fearful-Avoidant: “I don’t think I am entirely comfortable with this, though…” Preoccupied: “Huh, but you like me and I like you!”
Fearful-Avoidant: “This is too soon…” *feels like running away*
Preoccupied: “Hey, what is going on?”
Fearful-Avoidant *turns around*
Preoccupied: “Where are you going??”
Fearful-Avoidant: “Eh, see you later!” *runs away*
Preoccupied: “Don’t forget to give me a call when you are home!”

  •  Last but definitely not least: Two Secure people together.
Secure 1: I like you.
Secure 2: I like you, too.
Secure 1: Cool. 🙂
Secure 2: 🙂
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