Most people who are inexperienced with Conflict will fall into the trap of mistaking their Conflict partner for their Dual, for they can appear to be the same person; a common side-effect of Quasi-Identicals. Your Conflictor has the same strengths and weaknesses as your Dual, so there will be a sense of mutual respect in Conflict relations. However, your Conflictor shows you what you are weak at, while making it look like it is your fault and there is no help.
Imagine living with your Conflictor in the same house. You accidentally bump against an item your Conflictor values, because you were in a rush to leave. It gets damaged in the process, but you do not notice this at all. Your Conflictor comes home earlier than you, detects the broken item, picks it up and waits for you to come back to confront you about what had happened. You come home to a frustrated Conflictor with said item in their hands, accusing you of your stupidity and ignorance for breaking it, being degrading while doing so. You respond negatively, with equal anger at their audacity to shame you for breaking such an unimportant item; furthermore, it was clearly an accident on your part! You will point out their negative nature, to always get upset over such nothings. Once the fight is finally over, your Conflictor will skillfully fix the item, but contain a grudge against you for a considerable amount of time.
This scenario was a metaphor of how your Conflictor will react whenever you show weakness in situations that pertain to your Vulnerable function. The house represented a psychologically close relationship, the item the IE of your Vulnerable and their Leading function, it breaking because of your negligence the sign of your weakness in that area, etc.
Your Conflictor is very well adapt at fixing issues arising out of your problems with your Vulnerable Function, but as illustrated it will mostly result in conflict, opposed to a dissolution of the issue. With your Dual, the opposite occurs: They are also adapt at complementing your weaknesses, but instead they are open to helping you without unwillingness and negative feelings. Them admiring your strengths (and vice versa), helping you out with your vulnerable spot is just a natural helpful act on their part, borne out of gratitude for your strengths. Also, because your Dual does not value the IE of your Vulnerable function like you, they will handle it with a similar disposition. If your Dual had been the one to find that broken item, they would have thought “No big deal, I’ll just fix it”.
Whereas the opposing values between your Conflictor and you will naturally render most interactions as conflicting (for them, the “item” is important, and breaking it negligently a personal issue). During prolonged contact, both Conflictor partners tend to be on guard, expecting a blow from the other, because both have the ability to “pressure“ the other on their weak spots. Unlike in Duality, Conflictors are inclined to make use of their harmful power over the other’s Super-Ego functions if necessary. (Often, they will do so not even intentionally, but hurt the other “by accident”, simply because the other’s Super Ego functions are their Ego functions.) Hence Conflict is, differently from Duality, emotionally and psychologically taxing in the long haul. The effect: for both partners it will feel like weaknesses get exaggerated, and strengths undervalued on both ends.
That is how over time, both or one of the partners (usually the introvert) develop this strong feeling that there is something inherently wrong with them that cannot be fixed. (Similar feelings may arise with your Super-Ego partner and Supervisor too, but it is the strongest with your Conflictor.) Because your Conflictor addresses your deepest insecurities and weaknesses, their judgments can be quite shattering and give rise to low self-esteem, especially if you are not emotionally balanced enough.
The aforementioned mutual respect is similar to the kind that enemies who are on the same level of expertise in their given fields have towards each other. While your Dual feels like your kin, your Conflictor feels like someone masking as your Dual, being an enemy in disguise.
Conflictors should focus on the mutual respect they have for each other (from a distance) and try not to get “personal” in issues of disagreement, because it can take a quite harmful psychological toll on the other. It is advised for Conflictors to not try to bridge the natural psychological distance, for this distance keeps the relation tolerable and to some degree interesting. This relation is the most ill-fitted for close relations like marriage and family, and should (in those cases) be avoided at all costs as much as possible, whenever one has the choice.
Stars: 0 out of 5.
Note: For a long-term romantic relationship, at least ★★★ stars are recommended.
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